Past Advice Came Back To Bite Me
“Mommy, do you want to eat candy corn?”
“Sure!” I answered, looking at her dirty little face who’s been outside playing for the last hour or so. She made a gesture to throw a small piece of candy corn to me.
Unsure of what was in her hand – this 3 year old has an imagination. I scrambled to look for whatever she threw my way. It was (thankfully) nothing but imaginary candy corn. *Phew!*
It was President’s Day yesterday. One of those holidays where some people would be working but government offices would be closed. Including the stock exchange. So I figured, why not do the same for myself and spend some time with my little ones?
For way too long I’ve been working 7 day weeks, 12 hour days (if not longer). On weekdays, the minute the kids get off the school bus is supposed to signal the end of my work day, but I’ve failed time and again. Weekends – try as I will – have become half work days. Some weekends I do OK. Other weekends I struggle and fight a losing battle with myself. Sunday was one of those days. Vowing not to turn on the computer for the day, I quickly succumbed and got caught up in all kinds of work 🙁
My problem does not lie in the fact I do not know or do not want to outsource. I’ve done quite a bit of that. Admittedly, there’s a lot of room left for improvement in that department. Mine is a deeper issue. Dare I admit it to you? Why not. You see, I believe I’m addicted to work. Does that sound super crazy or what?
Years ago, I was sold on the idea of “Loving what you do“. One of my bosses once told me (as I contemplated leaving the job), “The day you wake up and dread going to work, that’s the time when you should quit.” I was only 19 then and already being groomed for a meaty, juicy position. I took it to heart. When I started this business, that was my measuring stick.
I have yet to wake up dreading to go to work.
How could I? I am living a life many parents would love to live. Not that we’re rich. Far from it. But many, including some friends are envious. I work from home doing what I love to do, I have a thriving business, I have fantastic partners and clients. I get to send my kids off to school and see them the minute they get off the bus. My children have never once set foot in a day care (nothing wrong with that). I’m always around for them. To top it all off, I have an absolutely loving, understanding and supportive husband.
Wise as my ex-boss’ advice was, I realize now it has its flaws (and an ulterior motive we will not discuss here). When you are an entrepreneur, it’ll bite you and bite hard. It drives you to constantly seek work and in some ways wrap happiness around the amount of work completed for the day. All without regard to what day of the week you’re in. I realize that now as I type this out. This truth has never hit me square in between the eyes than this very moment.
Yesterday, I start making a conscious effort to change. I’ve refused to turn my main computer on. I also finally picked up the book that’s been sitting on my shelf for months on end. Ah! What better book to kick this off than Tim Ferriss’ The 4-Hour Workweek? (Yes, I am late to the game).
I’ve already begun to read a few paragraphs of the opening chapter. I feel a fear (of what I do not know – maybe fear this will liberate me) and excitement. The first words have already begun to speak deeply to me, inspiring me to start this post. I’ll probably pour out my thoughts and struggles here again as I continue reading this. Will you join me?
Do You Want A Hands-Free Business?
Then get this guide to help you systemize your business so you'll have more time working on your business.
Hey! I want to make sure you know what you're getting here. In addition to the guide, you will also receive our memo that includes special offers, announcements and of course actionable information.
I read that book several months ago but I think I should probably check out a copy once again and reread it.
Incidentally GTD has made things so much easier for me, I feel much more focused lately and it’s much easier for me to be in the moment… so when I’m just hanging with the kids I can be fully present. Thanks so much for introducing me to the GTD system Lynette!
For me, I think my reasons for working hard are quite different. Although I don’t work nearly as much as you described… I don’t know how you keep that up!
For me work replaces other things that are missing in my life. It meets a need (actually, it attempts to) that should be met elsewhere. I won’t go into detail but I know that when this part of my life is more balanced, I’ll naturally work less.
Thanks for letting us see a more intimate picture of Lynette… and your daughter is simply gorgeous!
WOW what a moving, thoughtful and naked post (naked as in exposed). You truly have always sparked me as the type of woman that loved every bit of her job!!
What a great post and a wonderful start in picking up that book and walking closer to the “unknown”. I look forward to reading more of your posts about this and my goodness, your daughter is teh cutest lil’ sweetie!! The innocence on her fase is breathtaking!
Oh, Lynette, this is such an important post. I homeschool my kids, but we rarely see each other. Many of our converstions are on IM.
We are also making inroads. I have a timer that beeps three times a day which means – “face to face time” – we blizt the house, play a game, chat, make dinner, whatever, but it must be face-to-face.
We also have a family wide “No Screen” (including TV, movies, and iPod games – music is ok) on Sundays. We then try and plan something to do as a family.
Does it always work? No, but we’re getting there!
Thanks for posting this – a VERY important message!
Darlene
Hey y’all thank you for taking time to comment. It is a very different post 🙂 simply because I had one of those epiphanies and felt that if I didn’t document this (and do it publicly) I will have a re-lapse. So you all my readers are going to hold me accountable 😉 in some ways.
My husband has already told me he’ll unplug the computer if I am still working when he gets home eek!
@Carrie: You’re welcome! GTD does make things so much simpler. I love it.
@Aurelia: Thank you my dear for stopping by. And thanks for the compliments. I don’t normally put pictures of my kids up. But I have permission now 😉
@Darlene: Hey, you have me some really helpful ideas. I grew up in a very traditional Asian family. We don’t say we love each other very much and parents don’t talk to their kids. Doesn’t mean my parents love me any less, we kinda show love at an arm’s length. I am of course changing that but I’ve got tons to learn as many things are so brand new.
Hi Lynette! I could have written your post, almost word for word. This same epiphany came to me yesterday as I was scurrying to finish a client project.
I’m going to try to manage my time better and get definitive deadlines from clients so I can hopefully avoid working on weekends. I really felt like I missed a lot of special time with my kids 🙁
Here’s to hoping we can stick to these changes!
Lynette I feel ya 🙂
I love everything I do – so it was easy to fill eighteen hours a day with work for a long time.
Then ‘the babies’ came home from the hospital and I embraced a four hour work day by pure necessity.
Suddenly I realized how much time I spent doing things I didn’t really need to do.
And how many projects I had going that weren’t truly profitable.
I haven’t read Tim’s book. Something in me totally balks at the idea of a four hour work WEEK LOL!
Let me get used the the four hour DAY first 😉
@Christina: We can buddy up 🙂
@Kelly: Haha I know. I don’t think I’ll ever achieve a 4 hour week but 4 hour days sound good to me. It is true, there are some junk projects in my portfolio. I’ve handed them off to DH but because he’s learning as well (for now) it’s more hand holding.
I think (hope) eventually things will start to turn around as some of my people are still very new, some are in training.
I hear you Lynette! Your statement about wrapping happiness around the amount of work you completed for that day sadly has me nodding.
I’ve spent (spend) much of my career working that way. Excited as I was to be a first time mom, it took me only 4 months to get busy again starting up my own freelance business. I feel like I’m been working hectic work week schedules ever since – both inside and outside the home.
It is so nice to see a little of your personal side and your daughter is a darling 🙂 Thank you for sharing.
Your post really spoke to me too Lynette, and I go to bed every night saying that ‘tomorrow will be different.’ Seven days a week, 12 hour days are very familiar to me too, and I’m grateful I love what I do. But I also know that I need some balance in my life. At least after reading your post I don’t feel quite so alone! Tomorrow will be different! 🙂
~Stephanie
(If I’m not being nosy, what is GTD?)
@Sharon: I think especially today, the saying “putting in a good day’s work” is warped and unbalanced because there no longer is an ‘end’. We are “always on” and from what I see, there are a lot of people who measure their happiness by how much work they’ve done for the day. Maybe in a way we equate work with more money. I dunno. That’s my dime store psychology 🙂
@Stephanie: Alright! Another buddy!
Yep, this really hits ‘home’ for me too and I could have written it!
My son won’t remember how much money I made when he was 5 or 6, only how much his mom was available to him and that makes me feel very guilty to think at this point I’m too focused on business and not enough on making sure I have time for my sweetie. Thanks for the reality check! I’m working on building my outsourcing as well and my first plan is to start taking Fridays off during the summer.
(another one wondering what GTD is?)
Angela
Hey Angela, good plan!
Sorry folks, forgot to answer about GTD. GTD stands for “Getting Things Done” it’s a system taught in the book by David Allen titled – you guessed it – Getting Things Done. It is totally unlike any planning or organizational system you’ve seen or have used.
I like to think of it as a lifestyle, a cultivated habit rather than an organizational system (which I loathe). Check out GTD at Amazon
This is a fab post Lynette and thanks for writing it. I did read the 4 hour work week and although I enjoyed parts of it, some of it did make me cringe a bit. But, that said, I agree with you. I love my work, I love being on the computer, I love the interaction with people, etc., and so my natural tendency from the moment I wake up to the moment my husband says, “uh, honey, you gonna turn that thing off soon and come to bed?” is to be working, networking, writing, working, creating, working.
I too am trying to be more focused and have that passion about other things in life too – my home (having my great house helps) my husband (he’s a dear), my kids (they’re tremendous blessings), my offline friends (I miss them) … oops this is turning into my own blog post.. tee hee.
I appreciated Darlene’s comment above about the one day off. We decided to do that as a family several years ago (Sundays NO work) and it has been HUGE for all of us. It was hard hard hard but worth it.
Thanks again for the post!
A
It’s such a relief to hear of so many others who work 12 hrs a day/7 days a week. I really, really want to peel myself off of this keyboard more and be with my kids, but, sometimes – it is just so hard! They were out of school on Monday, and I did go outside with them for a bit – and I really enjoyed it, too! I’ve got to do that more! Thanks for making this post, Lynette!
Oh yeah – GTD is Getting Things Done, you guys can read all about it here: http://www.davidco.com/
Hi Lynette,
(Raising my hand) I’m guilty too of being on the exact same schedule! My wife actually bought me a laptop, just so I could physically be in the same place (home) with her and the boys. Yikes!
I found GTD to be helpful, and I found “some” of the ideas in the 4-hour Work Week helpful (but not all).
The main thing with me was understanding that work becomes a sponge…it will fill up every “allowable” space you give it. You need borders. You need “some” deadlines. And we all need to be better in setting daily goals.
Instead of finishing something entirely today, chip away…what can you do by 3 pm? Then do “it”…only “it” — nothing else.
It’s good to have goals. Sometimes you need to set lower goals.
I love your posts.
Thomas
Lynette,
I’m in the same boat, but am recovering slowly by necessity, as well. We have instituted “no technology” days which are similar to the “no screen” days above.
Work is definitely an addiction. I find the tasks and projects invigorating and love what I do. However, I don’t want to miss my kids growing up, so obviously things are changing here, too.
Hopefully we’re both on the road to recovery. 😉
Best of luck!
Nicole
Wow! You couldn’t have said it better! I have only had my home business for about 6 months, but some days I feel like it consumes every part of me! I get my kids off to school, rush back to the house to begin working, start on a project and before I know it the day is over and it’s time to get the kids off the bus! I am also trying to not let it overtake my life!
I have to remind myself that I decided to start a home business so that I have more time with my family – not less. What good does it do my children when they are home and I am working????? That kind of defeats the purpose!
Thanks for your insightful discovery…at least I know I’m not the only one struggling with this addiction!
Yvette Mason
Lynnette,
Brilliant post! Honest & moving… thanks for sharing that.
As I tell my clients (and myself): “It’s hard to stop and smell the roses if you’re moving so fast that you can’t even SEE the roses!”
Congratulations on recognizing that it’s time to see the roses — and thanks for encouraging the rest of us to do the same.
Hey all, thanks for the encouragement. I will continue to post updates. This journey of mine is not necessarily tied to the 4 hour work week. I’ve read a few more chapters and so far think that this New Rich concept is interesting. I’ll probably only use part of it.
I’ve personally not turned to outsourcing yet, but only because of a lack of funding.
I tend to work on a new project each day but most of my stuff is automated, and i recently setup a helpdesk too, so if no support tickets come in, which is rare, then i really don’t need to check my 200 daily emails, lol.
also, those that do contact me by email are automatically filtered into a contacts folder,
so i don’t have to search for them amidst the sea
of email.