“Mommy, do you want to eat candy corn?”
“Sure!” I answered, looking at her dirty little face who’s been outside playing for the last hour or so. She made a gesture to throw a small piece of candy corn to me.
Unsure of what was in her hand – this 3 year old has an imagination. I scrambled to look for whatever she threw my way. It was (thankfully) nothing but imaginary candy corn. *Phew!*
It was President’s Day yesterday. One of those holidays where some people would be working but government offices would be closed. Including the stock exchange. So I figured, why not do the same for myself and spend some time with my little ones?
For way too long I’ve been working 7 day weeks, 12 hour days (if not longer). On weekdays, the minute the kids get off the school bus is supposed to signal the end of my work day, but I’ve failed time and again. Weekends – try as I will – have become half work days. Some weekends I do OK. Other weekends I struggle and fight a losing battle with myself. Sunday was one of those days. Vowing not to turn on the computer for the day, I quickly succumbed and got caught up in all kinds of work 🙁
My problem does not lie in the fact I do not know or do not want to outsource. I’ve done quite a bit of that. Admittedly, there’s a lot of room left for improvement in that department. Mine is a deeper issue. Dare I admit it to you? Why not. You see, I believe I’m addicted to work. Does that sound super crazy or what?
Years ago, I was sold on the idea of “Loving what you do“. One of my bosses once told me (as I contemplated leaving the job), “The day you wake up and dread going to work, that’s the time when you should quit.” I was only 19 then and already being groomed for a meaty, juicy position. I took it to heart. When I started this business, that was my measuring stick.
I have yet to wake up dreading to go to work.
How could I? I am living a life many parents would love to live. Not that we’re rich. Far from it. But many, including some friends are envious. I work from home doing what I love to do, I have a thriving business, I have fantastic partners and clients. I get to send my kids off to school and see them the minute they get off the bus. My children have never once set foot in a day care (nothing wrong with that). I’m always around for them. To top it all off, I have an absolutely loving, understanding and supportive husband.
Wise as my ex-boss’ advice was, I realize now it has its flaws (and an ulterior motive we will not discuss here). When you are an entrepreneur, it’ll bite you and bite hard. It drives you to constantly seek work and in some ways wrap happiness around the amount of work completed for the day. All without regard to what day of the week you’re in. I realize that now as I type this out. This truth has never hit me square in between the eyes than this very moment.
Yesterday, I start making a conscious effort to change. I’ve refused to turn my main computer on. I also finally picked up the book that’s been sitting on my shelf for months on end. Ah! What better book to kick this off than Tim Ferriss’ The 4-Hour Workweek? (Yes, I am late to the game).
I’ve already begun to read a few paragraphs of the opening chapter. I feel a fear (of what I do not know – maybe fear this will liberate me) and excitement. The first words have already begun to speak deeply to me, inspiring me to start this post. I’ll probably pour out my thoughts and struggles here again as I continue reading this. Will you join me?
