A Hermit In A Social Network World
Photo by Nick Winchester
I have a big secret to reveal. In school, I had so many friends, I could count them with one hand. I love company – my own and the immediate family’s. I don’t like going anywhere that much unless that means I’m going to be left alone to do my own thing. Definitely not a guided tour type. I’m an honest to goodness geek. I like baroque music for goodness sakes! In short – I’m a hermit and like it that way.
I’ve felt much chagrin watching this social network explosion lately. Every marketer I know seems to be the social butterfly. They are funny, witty and just oozing with charm. When they say something, everyone laughs, jumps, talks. When I say something… “Huh? Did you say something”? At the age of 35, suddenly this morning I feel like I’m 16 all over again, sitting by the corner in school with my nose buried in a book from the library while the cool kids talked about which party they’ll be attending tonight.
Late February, I wrote a post over at Internet Based Moms that people with huge followings aren’t (always) as financially successful as you might think they are. This is one of those days I struggle to remind me of that fact. Some days (like this one)…
I wonder if being successful in my business means I have to become someone I’m not?
Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy other people’s company. It just takes me a lot more energy and mental preparation. Yet, so much emphasis in the Internet Marketing world is on having a following – first there was the big mailing lists and now the big fans/friends… maybe all this social network thing is wearing me out and I simply need a break from being everyone’s friend.
What do you think? Do you feel forced to be sociable when you just want to crawl in a hole? Or does having ‘friends’ come naturally to you?
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Mini rant, something I rarely do on my blog http://tinyurl.com/djoyej
Mini rant, something I rarely do on my blog http://tinyurl.com/djoyej
I am joining you sister! It starts to tire me as well, and i don’t even have that much following:)
I am joining you sister! It starts to tire me as well, and i don’t even have that much following:)
Lynette, let’s go to IKEA and talk about this. just do it……
Lynette, let’s go to IKEA and talk about this. just do it……
I feel so much the same way, Lynette. It’s really stretching me to ‘put myself out there’ – and yes, I so understand feeling 16 again! I keep wondering if I’m good enough, are my posts ok? Is it too weird? Will they get my quirky sense of humor? However, from my past, I know if they don’t like me how I am, they won’t like me when I change for them, so I’m just going to be me! 🙂
I’m very new here, only 5 weeks. I love following you and get so much information, knowledge and warmth from you. Don’t stop being you. Your followers are just quieter than most! Cuz we are quiet peeps! 😉
I feel so much the same way, Lynette. It’s really stretching me to ‘put myself out there’ – and yes, I so understand feeling 16 again! I keep wondering if I’m good enough, are my posts ok? Is it too weird? Will they get my quirky sense of humor? However, from my past, I know if they don’t like me how I am, they won’t like me when I change for them, so I’m just going to be me! 🙂
I’m very new here, only 5 weeks. I love following you and get so much information, knowledge and warmth from you. Don’t stop being you. Your followers are just quieter than most! Cuz we are quiet peeps! 😉
I hate guided tours too! I definitely like being on my own. I’ve never been overly sociable, but I seem to like twitter. I can get right to the point and say what I want and respond to a few other users.
I do believe there is a lot of emphasis on social marketing, but I don’t believe your success depends on it! Find what marketing works best for you. No need to have a huge following online.
I hate guided tours too! I definitely like being on my own. I’ve never been overly sociable, but I seem to like twitter. I can get right to the point and say what I want and respond to a few other users.
I do believe there is a lot of emphasis on social marketing, but I don’t believe your success depends on it! Find what marketing works best for you. No need to have a huge following online.
I think some people are kinda “high school” about social media, but most really genuine. Don’t get up in the popularity, just your authentic you. And Lynette – lots and lots of people like you for you 🙂
I think some people are kinda “high school” about social media, but most really genuine. Don’t get up in the popularity, just your authentic you. And Lynette – lots and lots of people like you for you 🙂
Hey all, thank you so much for the kind words and support it means a lot to me. I have not been taking good care of myself for the last 2 weeks and it shows. Stepping back for a while is always good.
Hey all, thank you so much for the kind words and support it means a lot to me. I have not been taking good care of myself for the last 2 weeks and it shows. Stepping back for a while is always good.
Its hard not to be too serious on this matter but the whole social networking thing is wider than that to me. Take the recent amount of giveaways that are flooding everyones inbox. We alll know that this is a marketing strategy and there fore generally speaking cannot come from the “heart”. I say generally as some people are “giving types” anyway, but I am sceptical of all others as I feel it a bit immoral that people will give something purely to get something. Its the same with social networking and “being friends” with everyone. I like people and I am sociable but there must be real people out there who use Twitter etc cos they are lonely or “need” people for a reason and in my opinion, people like this can be preyed upon by others who make them feel that they are their friends. Finally, Lynette, I must say it is great to have a discussion on this matter as it is needed. Your site is wonderful, no fluff or frills, just good information. Many thanks.
Hey Jo, wow, deep thoughts. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. In many ways I am better at social networks than in high school or in person because, well, I’m kinda shy and get tongue tied easily. I don’t speak as well as I write and maybe that’s causing this hermit behavior. Now that you mention it, I think there are people like what you said, just reaching out and glad they can be a rock star on social networks.
As for giveaways, I tend to look at those in a different light. I think tougher times are forcing many marketers to really pay attention to social network and online marketing as a promotion tool. The giveaways can be considered ad spend to generate some buzz.
Its hard not to be too serious on this matter but the whole social networking thing is wider than that to me. Take the recent amount of giveaways that are flooding everyones inbox. We alll know that this is a marketing strategy and there fore generally speaking cannot come from the “heart”. I say generally as some people are “giving types” anyway, but I am sceptical of all others as I feel it a bit immoral that people will give something purely to get something. Its the same with social networking and “being friends” with everyone. I like people and I am sociable but there must be real people out there who use Twitter etc cos they are lonely or “need” people for a reason and in my opinion, people like this can be preyed upon by others who make them feel that they are their friends. Finally, Lynette, I must say it is great to have a discussion on this matter as it is needed. Your site is wonderful, no fluff or frills, just good information. Many thanks.
Hey Jo, wow, deep thoughts. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. In many ways I am better at social networks than in high school or in person because, well, I’m kinda shy and get tongue tied easily. I don’t speak as well as I write and maybe that’s causing this hermit behavior. Now that you mention it, I think there are people like what you said, just reaching out and glad they can be a rock star on social networks.
As for giveaways, I tend to look at those in a different light. I think tougher times are forcing many marketers to really pay attention to social network and online marketing as a promotion tool. The giveaways can be considered ad spend to generate some buzz.
We are reminded constantly to be ‘authentic’ in our marketing, and you always are. People will either like you or not. And you attract people who like you and your style.
Those of us who read and follow you love you just the way you are! 🙂
We are reminded constantly to be ‘authentic’ in our marketing, and you always are. People will either like you or not. And you attract people who like you and your style.
Those of us who read and follow you love you just the way you are! 🙂
Oh my gosh! I about laughed myself off my chair. My sister (above) swore that I had written it – down to having my nose buried in a book in high school. I STILL enjoy staying home and my own company – with the occasional good book. This whole social networking thing has me stumped. I do love my friends too – but having “friends” online takes more of my limited mental energy.
I can figure out the basic coding in WordPress or how to install server side software but negotiating the user friendly interface on Twitter took me over 2 weeks to understand (and only with help) – probably because I really didn’t want to!
Hermits of the world UNITE!
Hey Stephanie, you’re right and I have long realized I’ll attract only people who like me and it really doesn’t bother me if someone doesn’t like my style. What really bothers me is how much I see some marketers try so hard to get people to friend or follow them just to get the numbers. Half of those probably aren’t interested in them or their services/products.
Anyhow… Gail, I had no idea how similar we are. In many ways I suppose that’s what makes geeks. We’re just not all that social to begin with, not saying all geeks are that way. But I enjoy working in the background for my clients. Put me in the limelight and I’d just freeze. Actually, this blog was a huge step for me, thankfully, I started that years ago so it’s comfortable now.
Oh my gosh! I about laughed myself off my chair. My sister (above) swore that I had written it – down to having my nose buried in a book in high school. I STILL enjoy staying home and my own company – with the occasional good book. This whole social networking thing has me stumped. I do love my friends too – but having “friends” online takes more of my limited mental energy.
I can figure out the basic coding in WordPress or how to install server side software but negotiating the user friendly interface on Twitter took me over 2 weeks to understand (and only with help) – probably because I really didn’t want to!
Hermits of the world UNITE!
Hey Stephanie, you’re right and I have long realized I’ll attract only people who like me and it really doesn’t bother me if someone doesn’t like my style. What really bothers me is how much I see some marketers try so hard to get people to friend or follow them just to get the numbers. Half of those probably aren’t interested in them or their services/products.
Anyhow… Gail, I had no idea how similar we are. In many ways I suppose that’s what makes geeks. We’re just not all that social to begin with, not saying all geeks are that way. But I enjoy working in the background for my clients. Put me in the limelight and I’d just freeze. Actually, this blog was a huge step for me, thankfully, I started that years ago so it’s comfortable now.
I was searching for something on being a Hermit and ran across your article. You hit a real chord with me when you talked about being 35 and feeling like 16 in high school. I know exactly what that feels like too!
To answer your question, I believe you have to become whoever/whatever you need to be in your job to do your job to the best of your ability. That doesn’t mean you actually have to be someone else–you’re just acting while working. It shouldn’t affect the person you are at home away from work. Your work should not define who you are as a person, even if it contradicts who you are on a fundamental level. It’s just a job, even if it is a career.
I am much different as a person versus in a working role. I’m sociable, talkative, and engagingly conversing about topics I really don’t give two hoots about. Unfortunately, this is required. People work with people they like, not who is the most talented, not who actually provides the best solution. When this is taken to the extreme, people who can’t even do the job are hired and paid well.
We all have to make a living, so do what you have to in terms of that.
I was searching for something on being a Hermit and ran across your article. You hit a real chord with me when you talked about being 35 and feeling like 16 in high school. I know exactly what that feels like too!
To answer your question, I believe you have to become whoever/whatever you need to be in your job to do your job to the best of your ability. That doesn’t mean you actually have to be someone else–you’re just acting while working. It shouldn’t affect the person you are at home away from work. Your work should not define who you are as a person, even if it contradicts who you are on a fundamental level. It’s just a job, even if it is a career.
I am much different as a person versus in a working role. I’m sociable, talkative, and engagingly conversing about topics I really don’t give two hoots about. Unfortunately, this is required. People work with people they like, not who is the most talented, not who actually provides the best solution. When this is taken to the extreme, people who can’t even do the job are hired and paid well.
We all have to make a living, so do what you have to in terms of that.
@Samir, thanks for taking time to comment. What you said is very interesting. In many ways, I have changed. When I was 16 there are things that I would never imagined I’d have done. So yea, it is a little bit of stretching and a little bit of growing. There’s still a lot of me though.
@Samir, thanks for taking time to comment. What you said is very interesting. In many ways, I have changed. When I was 16 there are things that I would never imagined I’d have done. So yea, it is a little bit of stretching and a little bit of growing. There’s still a lot of me though.